Mian Tufail
Rape is rape. There is no ordinary rape or lesser rape. There may be rapes that leave no trace and others that leave deep physical and emotional marks, but no rape is more important than another. When one woman is violated, another loses her peace of mind.
There are certain crimes, however, which are particularly horrifying in nature due to the circumstances surrounding them. The alleged gang rape of a 21-year-old woman in Baramulla is one such crime.
According to police, the young woman went out on a date with a friend to Jalshree Drangbal on July 3. The pair was allegedly accosted by two men who harassed them. They also allegedly beat her companion and sent him fleeing. The accused then restrained the woman and raped her. To make matters worse, they allegedly recorded the assault.
The SSP Baramulla, in his press briefing, further alleged that the accused actually showed the video of the assault to several people. A mobile phone believed to have been used in the crime has been recovered.
Now, think about this.
A woman is allegedly gang-raped. Her humiliation is allegedly captured on camera and shown to others for their amusement. If these allegations are proven true, how do we ever excuse such disgust and immorality?
There is something deeply troubling about the circumstances of this rape, as it takes away one of the few comforts given to women in times like these: the comfort that coming out with a companion is always safer.
For years, women have been taught to always come out with a companion due to the high risk of male harassment. Even today, parents teach their daughters to avoid being out alone. Women are told to restrict their freedom in so many ways, all because they are female.
They must not go out late at night, take certain roads, get into cabs or buses, trust strangers, and so on. The underlying message is that they must not be out on the streets alone. That they must always be accompanied by a man. That a man’s presence is always protective and safe.
But what happens when that same creature called Man turns out to be the rapist? What happens when the one person who was supposed to protect them turns against them? That is what is so deeply disturbing about this case.
The woman in Baramulla apparently went out with a companion. But instead of protecting her, he was allegedly beaten and chased off by the perpetrators. The woman was left completely vulnerable to the gang of men who raped her.
How can we continue to tell our daughters and sisters to go out accompanied when it is clearly not safe? How can we keep giving them the message that the only way to be protected is to be with a man when it is obvious that men can be predators too?
Our sisters are already walking on eggshells due to their gender, constantly avoiding potential trouble. But the Baramulla gang rape shows us that it is not enough to simply teach women to avoid trouble. We must also teach men not to become trouble. Because a man is not always a protector.
This crime, if the allegations are proven true, strikes right at the heart of an injustice that has long plagued our society: the injustice that puts too much responsibility on women to stop harassment from occurring.
When a woman is harassed, a moral police force assembles around her, digging up her entire life in an attempt to pin the blame on her. Where was she? Why was she there? Why did she go at that time? What was she wearing? Who was she with? What was their relationship? Why did she trust them? Why didn’t she protest?
Yet when men are accused of harassment, the same moral police force rarely asks them why they thought it was okay to touch another person without their consent. Why did they believe that they had the right to intimidate women? What made them think that another person’s misfortune was entertainment? What made them think that another woman’s body was something to be taken advantage of?
Maybe it is time we stopped asking women why they went out or why they got into a car with a man, and started asking men why they thought it was their prerogative to take advantage of the women in their lives. Maybe it is time we stopped asking women to cover up and started asking men to respect. Maybe it is time we stopped asking women to be careful and started asking men why they need permission to look at a woman. Maybe it is time we stopped asking women to avoid harassment and started asking men to stop harassing.
We Kashmiris take great pride in our society and our culture and our people. We boast of our hospitality, family values, modest culture and moral code. We constantly tell the world that Kashmiris are peace-loving and kind-hearted. We are generous towards all and treat everyone as family. Therefore, it must come as quite a shock to us when crimes like this are committed. After all, how could crimes of this nature be committed in a region as morally upright as ours?
Unfortunately, crimes of this nature are not committed solely by uncultured people. Even educated people commit them.
The reason for this is simple: women have been conditioned to believe that they should accept the behavior of men without protest. They are taught that men know better and that their actions are justified. This belief comes from years of women being portrayed as second-class citizens in our society. They are taught to obey and serve from a young age, while men are taught to protect and provide.
This skewed sense of entitlement leads to many of the crimes committed against women. It also explains why many accused men in sexual harassment cases come from educated and respected families. Even bureaucrats, doctors, professors, engineers and teachers have been convicted of such crimes.
It would be a mistake to think that a person cannot commit a crime simply because they have been taught to have morals. Anyone can commit a crime. That is why it is so important to educate our people. We must teach our boys to respect women so that one day, when they become men, they understand the value of women in our society.
Girls should be taught that they deserve respect, so that they grow up knowing their worth. It should be drilled into their heads that they are the future and that their voices must be heard. Their opinions should be valued, their freedom respected, their bodies their own. No man has the right to dictate another woman’s life. That includes their parents, siblings, partners and friends.
This is especially important in cases of sexual harassment. Too many women are afraid to speak up due to the shame and stigma surrounding such crimes. Even today, many communities shame women who accuse men of harassment or assault. This must change, as it only serves to silence victims and protect offenders.
In the Baramulla case, police have alleged that the accused showed the video of the assault to several people. If the allegations are proven true, society needs to seriously reconsider its stance on such crimes.
Think about it, again.
A man commits a sexual assault and records it on his phone. He looks at the video and thinks nothing of it. He decides to show it to his friend. His friend thinks nothing of it, only showing it to his colleague. And so on, until the video has seen dozens of pairs of eyes. Where is the empathy in that? Where is the decency? Where is the remorse? What did it take for these people to stop and think about what they were doing?
It takes too many people to perpetrate such crimes, but it only takes one person to stop them. Every individual who has seen the video now has a choice: either to delete it and report it, or to share it and continue the cycle of shame. The survivor of the assault must have already suffered enough. Her trauma is not something that people should stare at and share like it is some kind of spectacle. Unfortunately, it is also a matter that will affect the survivor for the rest of her life. That is why it is so important to let her go about her business without worrying about what other people think. She owes society no explanation as to why she was in that place at that time. She had the right to be there and nothing more should be said about it.
As for the accused, let society leave them to sort it out with the courts. Every person accused of a crime is entitled to a fair trial and nothing more. We Kashmiris often organize candlelight vigils and marches, but we rarely pause to consider the effect these vigils have on the survivor. We want to save face by making it seem as if we care about the victim, but in reality, we are just putting on a show for the media. We are embarrassing the victim with our endless questions about her life and actions, asking her why she went out that day or why she got into the car with her acquaintance.
This is where we as a society need to think long and hard about our morality. We organize awareness camps for everything from drugs to empowerment, but we rarely devote time to the most important matter of all: teaching our boys about consent. We tell girls to protect themselves, but we rarely teach boys how to respect women. We must educate our youth so that one day, when they become men and women, they understand the importance of consent in all relationships.
This is also the message that the Baramulla survivor needs to hear. She needs to know that society stands by her and supports her. That she is not alone in this fight. That she has the power to change the system, to demand justice from those who have wronged her and hold them accountable.
Justice for the Baramulla survivor will not be measured only by the punishment awarded to the accused. It will also be measured by whether our society finally learns to stop policing women and starts policing the attitudes that enable violence against them. Until then, every sister and daughter will continue to carry the burden of fear for crimes she never committed.
