Sunday Special By PeerzadaMasarat Shah
There is a cake in the politics of Jammu and Kashmir. Its name is Statehood. It was taken away in August 2019. In one afternoon. Since that day, every party has been standing around the empty plate. Each one holds a knife. Each one holds a camera. Each one says the cake belongs to the people. And each one wants the photo of cutting it.
This Sunday, the plate has travelled to Delhi. The National Conference is sitting at Jantar Mantar. It is protesting. It wants statehood back. The protest is timed with the opening of Parliament.
Now pause here. Read that again. The ruling party is protesting. The party that runs the government is sitting on a road in Delhi. It is asking for powers for the very government it runs. This has never happened in our history books. Maybe the history books were not ready for Kashmir.
Life teaches us a simple truth. When a man protests against others, he wants change. When a man protests against his own helplessness, he wants dignity. The NC’s dharna is a little of both. And a little of neither. Let us look at each party. One by one. Slowly. The way an old watchmaker opens a watch.
The National Conference: The King Who Stands in Queue
The NC won the election. It won it well. People gave it a clear mandate. Then the party entered the office and found something strange. The chair was there. The table was there. The nameplate was there. But the keys were in Delhi.
So what does a party do when its files do not move? It holds a protest. The plan was made at a big meeting. It was given a grand name, after the place where the leaders met. A simple sit-in was dressed up like a historic event. That is how politics works. First you make the event. Then you make it sound bigger than it is.
The Chief Minister has said the protest will happen even if Delhi Police says no. Think about this for a moment. A Chief Minister needs police permission to protest. And he is protesting to get a say over that very police. If irony could light bulbs, no home in Kashmir would ever sit in darkness.
There is an old saying. You cannot sit on the throne and sleep on the footpath at the same time. The NC is trying to do both. It governs by day. It protests by evening. Maybe it is honest frustration. Maybe it is smart theatre. Maybe it is a ruling party telling its voters, softly, “We tried. The doors did not open. So we are knocking louder, where the cameras can see us.”
A question remains. If the ruling party is on the footpath, who is inside the office? If the answer is Raj Bhavan, then the protest has already proved its point. Without a single slogan.
The PDP: Best Wishes, But We Will Not Come
The PDP got the invitation. It read it carefully. Then it replied like a relative who is upset with the family. A long letter. Warm wishes. Prayers for success. And a clear no.
The party has a condition. It will join only if the protest also demands the return of Article 370. And the release of political prisoners. Statehood alone is not enough, it says. Asking only for statehood, in its view, is like asking for your house back while agreeing that the locks and the papers can stay with someone else. It fears that a small demand will bury the bigger one.
This is a serious point. It deserves respect. But politics has a long memory. This is the same party that once shared power with the BJP. Today it warns everyone about the dangers of walking with Delhi. The man who once sold his horse now gives lectures on why horses should never be sold.
There is a lesson here about waiting. The PDP is waiting for the perfect protest. A protest with the full list of demands. But the perfect protest is like the perfect wedding. If you wait for every relative to agree, the hall booking expires. The people have been waiting since 2019. The tent is up. The guests are getting old. At some point a party must decide. Is it boycotting the function? Or is it only avoiding the group photo?
The Apni Party: Support From a Safe Distance
The Apni Party’s reply is a work of art. It should be framed. The party supports the demand for statehood. Fully. Deeply. From the heart. But it will not join the protest. It prefers dialogue. Quiet talks. Proper channels. And while sending its good wishes, it also raised questions about the NC government’s performance. In our politics, no greeting card is complete without a small pin hidden inside.
Think of statehood as a patient in a hospital. The NC is shouting slogans outside the ward. The PDP is demanding the hospital be rebuilt as it was in 2019. And the Apni Party is sitting in the director’s office. Having tea. Discussing the matter through proper channels. The patient, meanwhile, is on the same drip since 2019. The drip is called assurance. It is given daily. It cures nothing. But it keeps hope alive.
The party has found a new posture. Standing firmly with the demand while sitting comfortably at home. It is good for the health. It is safe for the career. But history is a strict teacher. It rarely remembers those who sent best wishes. It remembers those who showed up. Even when showing up was foolish. Especially when showing up was foolish.
Sajad Lone: First the House, Then the Road
Sajad Lone has raised the most interesting objection of all. Why go to Delhi, he asks. You have an Assembly in Srinagar. Use it. Pass a proper resolution there first. On statehood, and on the old constitutional position. Then send a delegation of all parties to meet the Prime Minister. If all that fails, then, and only then, sit on a footpath.
He has also made a sharper charge. He says the statehood protest is a way to quietly bury Article 370. To shrink a big demand into a small one. The way a tailor cuts a loose pheran into a tight jacket and calls it fashion. And he has reminded everyone of an old wound. When he moved a resolution in the Assembly seeking the return of Article 370, 35A and statehood together, the ruling benches did not stand with him. He has not forgotten. In Kashmir, nobody forgets. Forgetting is the only thing we import.
His argument has logic. It also has convenience. His own political road has taken many turns over the years. From one end of politics to understandings at the other end. And now back to the high ground of principle. In our politics, ideology travels light. It fits in a small bag. It is always ready for the next journey.
Still, give the man his due. He is the only leader asking the House to do its work before the road does. In these times, asking an Assembly to pass a resolution is almost a revolutionary idea. His timetable is another matter. First the resolution. Then the delegation. Then the certified failure. Then the protest. By this schedule, the dharna will take place sometime after the next census. Which is also waiting. For an appropriate time.
The Congress: We Started This, Please Note
The Congress has said yes. It will attend the protest. But it attended with a claim slip in hand. The movement for statehood, it reminded everyone, was started by the Congress. The NC may be hosting the function. But the recipe, the copyright and the original guest list belong to the grand old party.
To prove its seriousness, it has announced its own programme. A dharna near the Maharaja’s statue in Jammu. A march to the Lieutenant Governor’s house. And the biggest one of all. A grand march from Lakhanpur to Lolab. For which, we are told, the logistics are being worked out.
Readers, please note this phrase. “Logistics are being worked out.” It is a beautiful sentence. It has launched a thousand press conferences. And roughly zero marches. It is the political version of “the cheque is in the mail.” The cheque is always in the mail. The mail never arrives.
There is something very human about the Congress position. It is the old landlord of Indian politics. The house has new tenants now. But the landlord still walks in during every function and asks why he was not garlanded first. He built this house, after all. He forgets that houses belong to those who live in them. Not to those who remember building them.
The CPI(M): The Guest Who Simply Said Yes
And then there is the Left. In Jammu and Kashmir, the Left is mostly one tireless old comrade from Kulgam and a red flag. The CPI(M) has been demanding statehood and the old constitutional guarantees since 2019. Same words. Same volume. Same demand. It never checked which way the wind was blowing. Perhaps because the Left stopped getting wind reports many years ago.
There is something touching in this. While big parties calculate, adjust and send conditional replies, the comrades simply turn up. They turned up for the alliance. They turn up for the resolutions. They will turn up at the protest. They did not ask who else is coming. They did not ask who will get the front row.
Is this a virtue? Or is it a lack of options? Perhaps it is both. But in a season where every guest has a condition, the one who says a plain yes deserves a plain thank you. We suggest the Election Commission preserve this specimen carefully. Future generations will not believe that such a political creature ever existed. A party that says the same thing in power and out of power. Science must study this.
The BJP: The Shopkeeper Who Will Not Deliver
Finally, the party that actually holds the cake. The BJP’s position on statehood is a lesson in grammar. Past tense, present tense, and permanent future tense. Statehood was promised. On the floor of Parliament. By the Prime Minister himself. By the Home Minister himself. It will be given, we are told, at an appropriate time.
That appropriate time has now lasted seven years. It is the longest appropriate time in our constitutional history. It has beaten the plumber who said he would come by evening. It has beaten the tailor who said the suit would be ready by Eid. Which Eid, he never said.
And when the NC announced its protest, the BJP’s answer was remarkable. Statehood, it said, is our promise. Our agenda. Our gift to give. The NC has no right to demand it. Think about that sentence. Yes, we owe you the money. But how dare you send a reminder. To make the point stronger, the party has announced its own counter protests. Against the NC government’s performance. So now the Centre’s party protests against the local government. The local government protests against the Centre. Both are protesting. Neither is answering. And between the two protests stands the common man. Holding an electricity bill. Which, both sides agree, is entirely his own problem.
A humble request from the people. Even a courier company gives a tracking number. “Appropriate time” is not a tracking number. If the promise has been dispatched, kindly share the delivery date with over one crore residents. They have been standing at the gate since 2019.
Meanwhile, at the Tea Stall
Now leave the leaders aside. Come to the tea stall. Come to the people. The ones in whose name the cake will be cut. The slogans raised. The letters posted. The logistics eternally worked out.
The people are watching this drama with tired eyes. They have seen every episode before. They know statehood is a real demand. It was their demand before it became anyone’s press release. They lost something in 2019. Something more than a word in the Constitution. They lost the feeling of being asked. A footpath in Delhi may bring it back. Or it may not.
But they also know the script by heart now. The ruling party will protest. The opposition will support the demand but boycott the protest. The national party will claim the demand. The Centre will promise the demand. And on Monday morning, everyone will have a new photograph. And the ration depot will still open late.
The jobless young man in Anantnag does not care whose flag flies at Jantar Mantar. The apple grower in Sopore wants his truck to cross the highway before his fruit turns sour. The daily wager in Kishtwar wants his pending wages. Not anyone’s pending pride. For them, statehood is not a cake to be cut. It is a kitchen to be used. They do not want to watch ribbon cuttings. They want to cook their own meals, in their own house, with their own keys.
Here is a small thought for all seven parties. You all agree that statehood must return. You disagree only on who gets the photo. So try one simple experiment. One joint resolution. One joint delegation. One joint demand. And no cameras allowed. If the demand can survive without a photograph, we will know it was real. If it cannot, we will know what it always was. A prop. A cake made of cardboard. Kept fresh for every election. Cut at every rally. Eaten by no one.
Until then, one fact stands beyond all debate. The only confirmed winners of the great Jantar Mantar protest are the tea stalls of Parliament Street. Unlike everyone else in this story, they will actually deliver something. Hot. On time. At a fixed price. Without conditions.
They, at least, have earned their statehood.
The positions of all parties mentioned above are based on their publicly reported statements. This satire is aimed at the political system and its theatre, not at any person’s dignity, faith or family. Statehood is the people’s demand first. The parties are only its temporary caretakers.
